when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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