Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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