My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
