Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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