she looked like the before picture.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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