I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
