The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
