I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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