she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
