is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
