wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
