the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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