Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
