i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
