i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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