the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
