I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
