dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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