I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
