Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I love you.
Bad choice
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
