I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
