u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
