I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
