There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
