plz talk dirty to me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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