i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
