This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
