Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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