how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
