"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
