It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think pants incapable of making pants work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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