I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
