I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
