i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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