I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
