I faked an abortion last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize