9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
