Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
