Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
