Betty ford says i'm here all night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
