your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
