You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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