I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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