Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
