You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone says I win the strip club
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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