Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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