i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
