well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
