why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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