If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
