My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
