Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize