I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
