none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
