I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
