Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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