I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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