I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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