I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
